Blondes vs. Brunettes #3 - Planet Earth

Janet Margolin. In her prime years, some considered her one of Hollywood's most beautiful women. Shame that she died at the too young age of 50 from ovarian cancer.  During her career as an actress, she gave us one legendary battle with a blond.

Co-starring in Planet Earth, Margolin played the role of a scientist in a post-apocalyptic world who was given the mission, and I'll avoid boring you with the details and get right to the important stuff, to penetrate an Amazon society that had enslaved men. To bolster her credibility with the Amazons and also because he was part of the mission, she took along the smoldering male brunette, John Saxon, with her. Much to her surprise, her first encounter as she traveled to the village of the amazons was with the Amazon ruler, played by Diana Muldaur.  Muldaur with her dirty blond hair, bright blue eyes, and fair complexion, presented a good contrast with Margolin who, with her jet black hair, large dark eyes, and olive skin, looked like a classic brunette.

 

Margolin's peaceful ways didn't sit well with the aggressive Muldaur who upon laying her eyes on the dark haired Saxon, challenged Margolin to a fight. On horseback, life in a post apocalyptic world apparently not allowing for cars, Margolin tried to talk her way out of fighting Muldaur, but the blond Amazon, also on horseback, would have none of it. She gave a swift backhand to the dark haired Margolin, knocking her off her horse, and then trotted away with Saxon.

Watch: Harper Smythe asks for directions

Planet Earth was an ABC-TV movie of the week. These 90 minute movies were quite popular in the 1970s and were occasionally launching points for TV series.

Watching the blond Muldaur slug Margolin, I immediately blushed, got aroused and panicked. The whole family was watching. What were they thinking?  It's not like you watch women fight each other on TV every night.  All I could think of was Grindel explaining blond and brunette fights to me a few years earlier. What was going through the mind of mom (dark brunette) and dad (brunette)?  I dared not look as the show cut to a commercial.  But when I did, I noticed that my dad was already snoozing.  The movie was 30 minutes old and had been a clunker thus far - I guess he didn't think it was worth watching.  My mom had her head in a book, and my little brother ... well, who cares ...

After a decent interval, I softly announced to my mother that I has some studying to do and excused myself to the downstairs family den.  Which also had a TV. As I got up, my little bro gave me a bonus.  He asked me to change the channel to something more interesting.  Oh, I was never so glad to do something for my brother.  And away I went. 

Oh gosh, I couldn't study for the life of me. Not only did I immediately turned on the TV, but had, in less than five minutes time, had fallen madly in love with Janet Margolin and knew that she wouldn't let me down. Glancing at the clock, there was less than 60 minutes left in the movie. I paced back and forth, praying for a rematch and hoping that Margolin would emerge victorious over the Amazon who stole her man. But what if she lost?  What if she was beaten up by this tough, strong blond?  Oh, I thought, it didn't matter, as long as she had the courage to fight.

The minutes passed, slowly. The plot droned on and on. Finally, Margolin arrived upon a house, run by a woman of course, another blond, and asked for help.  After some back and forth bickering, it was clear that her requests for help weren't getting any traction with the lady of the house.  So Margolin flat out asked her, "What do I have to do? Fight you?"  So the lady said something like "Yes, because that's how we do things here" and that's when the fight started.  It was quickly interrupted by the lady's two children, but not before Margolin had twisted her opponents arm behind her back and forced her to her knees.

Watch: HS asks for directions

Oh yes, I thought,  That's how you do it!

Once she established that she could fight, the blond, who I think was played by Sally Kemp, advised Margolin that the only way she could get her man back was to fight Muldaur.  But she couldn't do that in her goofy green and yellow pantsuit, so Kemp had Margolin dressed in typical amazon gear: a halter top allowing for a bare midriff, a skirt slit up the middle revealing a bikini bottom, and boots.  The fight, the housemistress said, would be the next day, i.e., right after a commercial break.  Well, of course. 

After the longest two minutes of commercials in history, and with my stuff as hard as a rock, the day finally came.  On horseback, Kemp and Margolin came trotting in to the male slave auction where Muldaur was placing Saxon up for the highest bid.  But Margolin announced that she was the real owner and was prepared to fight for her property.

Now the truth is, it was a dumb, pathetic fight but the sight of these two very attractive gals battling each other in their skimpy outfits floored me.  It stayed in my mind for years and being that this pre-dated VHS tapes, not to mention computers and the internet, I spent countless hours searching TV listings for reruns.

And the winner?  Margolin. 

Watch: The Big Fight!!

Coming from a family of dark brunettes, I took such great pleasure in watching her beat the blonde. 

But as the years rolled by, I found that I was not always rooting for the brunette.