Thanks for checking out this week’s blog.
Last week I talked about the two young chicks at Gordon
Biersch restaurant in Tyson’s Corner Mall.
No blonde this past Friday night, but the little brunette was there,
complete with micro mini skirt and dark nylons.
Nice.
I’m going to save any further discussion of this until my
next “Real Deal” blog entry; that is unless I see them yanking each other’s
hair out between now and then.
This week’s entry is about warring tribes, i.e., groups
of blondes and brunettes pitted against each other.
The greatest manifestation of this has been discussed in
previous blog entries. Of course, I’m
talking about blonde vs. brunette powder puff football. So here goes with a quick update, just to
save you all the time of having to Google this stuff;
Houston,
Texas. On April 26th,
in their ninth annual match-up, the brunettes defeated the blondes (although I
couldn’t find a score on their Facebook page).
Jackson,
Mississippi. The
blondes absolutely hammered the brunettes, 50-12, wow, what a beat down the
blondies laid on the dark haired girls.
Columbia,
South Carolina. This is
the first year for this event in Gamecock country.
Just as an aside, many years ago when I was a single lad,
I went to a military event at Fort Jackson which is adjacent to Columbia. Other than a couple of trips to Myrtle Beach,
this was my first time in the heart of the Palmetto State.
After the festivities, I went back downtown where the bars and clubs were (natch) and did a
double take when I saw a couple of girls walking thru a bar wearing “Love those
cocks!” t-shirts.
Huh?
And then the middle age housewife strolled by with the “Go
Cocks!” shirt.
Wha?
After a couple of martinis, I asked and that’s when I
found out.
Oh.
In any event, hope they have a great game, currently
scheduled for June 14th.
Madison,
Wisconsin. About 300 spectators
attended and $30,000 was raised when the brunettes defeated the blondes 19-12
on May 10th. Not a big
showing, but nicely done.
Denver,
Colorado. June 14th
is once again the date of another blonde vs. brunette battle, this one in the
Mile High State. Let’s hope somebody publishes
the results!!
Tallahassee,
Florida. June 21st
is the date. Location: Florida State
University’s Bill Harkin Field.
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OK, after 6+ months we’ve finally got to the point in the
blog’s life span that the ultimate movie will be reviewed.
Yes, that one.
Yes, that one.
The greatest blonde vs. brunette film ever made by a
major studio and one of the very worst movies of all time.
Naturally, we’re talking about the Hammer Films movie,
Prehistoric Women, aka Slave Girls.
The full write up can be found on Wikipedia (and no, I
didn’t write this article. If I did, I would have played up the blonde vs.
brunette stuff a tad more).
Short and to the point: an explorer stumbles thru a weird
time portal/alternate universe kind of deal and finds himself in a village where brunettes
have enslaved blondes.
Whoa! Calm down.
That’s right, a bunch of bikini clad women with jet black
hair have enslaved a bunch of blue eyed-blondes.
A dick stiffening plot, no doubt about it.
This was one of Hammer Films “Cave Girl” films that also
included
- One Million Years B.C. (1966)
- When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (1970)
- Creatures the World Forgot (1971)
Each of which had a vague blonde vs. brunette aspect to
it, but more on that in a later blog entry.
 |
| http://www.mediafire.com/watch/am2m11aouty27rk/Prehistoric_Women_1.wmv |
But the definitive blonde vs. brunette film was no doubt
Prehistoric Women, where that perennial brunette bitch Martine Beswick is the
evil queen who exploits blondes and periodically offers them up as
sacrifices to the white rhinoceros (Yes, that’s right, a white rhinoceros. Please, don’t make me
explain this shit). Along the way, she
kills one of the blondes in a very clever way, as you will see in the
video.
In a perfect example of a blonde vs. brunette love triangle, she and one of the blonde slave girls, played by Edina Ronay, compete for the affection of the explorer who has stumbled into the village. Of course, you know how this is going to end, after all who is a slave girl to compete with a queen? So at the end of the movie, Ronay is offered up by Beswick as a sacrifice to the white rhino that is really fronting for a bunch of native jungle guys who simply want to fuck the blondes. Fortunately, our handsome explorer saves the day by leading a revolt of the enslaved men and blonde women against Beswick and her black haired guards.
As the guys and blonde women beat the shit out of the brunettes in the background, Ronay and Beswick engage in a lame little scrap. Mr. Explorer jumps in just as Beswick is about to kill Ronay with a knife, having failed to kill her in hand-to-hand combat, like a real woman would have done. So the hero knocks out Beswick, permanently I think, and along with the freed slaves, kicks the shit out of the native guys and sends them all packing back to the jungle. And then some lightning bolt nonsense sends him back to his own world where he hooks up with Ronay who is now appearing in the movie's final scene as a scientist's daughter
In a perfect example of a blonde vs. brunette love triangle, she and one of the blonde slave girls, played by Edina Ronay, compete for the affection of the explorer who has stumbled into the village. Of course, you know how this is going to end, after all who is a slave girl to compete with a queen? So at the end of the movie, Ronay is offered up by Beswick as a sacrifice to the white rhino that is really fronting for a bunch of native jungle guys who simply want to fuck the blondes. Fortunately, our handsome explorer saves the day by leading a revolt of the enslaved men and blonde women against Beswick and her black haired guards.
As the guys and blonde women beat the shit out of the brunettes in the background, Ronay and Beswick engage in a lame little scrap. Mr. Explorer jumps in just as Beswick is about to kill Ronay with a knife, having failed to kill her in hand-to-hand combat, like a real woman would have done. So the hero knocks out Beswick, permanently I think, and along with the freed slaves, kicks the shit out of the native guys and sends them all packing back to the jungle. And then some lightning bolt nonsense sends him back to his own world where he hooks up with Ronay who is now appearing in the movie's final scene as a scientist's daughter
Oh, the potential of it all. The climactic scene where the blondes revolt
is a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment in the movie. What we would have really wanted was a long
drawn out, hand to hand slugfest between the blondes and brunettes, but it was
not meant to be.
Foiled again.
A couple of interesting parts of the movie:
n The
heavy British accents are hilarious. Throughout
the movie, I half expect Henry Higgins to jump out, mid scene, accuse them all
of being gutter snipes, and start giving lessons in proper English phonics.
n At
one point in the movie, Joe Explorer asks the enslaved men how in the world this
all came to be and this one guy says something like: “The dark ones came to us
looking for help. They weren’t very intelligent and were a tad lazy, but we
helped them anyway. Eventually they seized power when we let our guard down and
now they rule us.” This is in 1967, a
time of various race riots here in the USA, so I’m wondering what the hell
Hammer Films was trying to say. After
all, this wasn’t their only foray into the blonde vs. brunette thing as we will
see in later blog entries.
So, without question, it’s one of the worst films made in
every kind of way, not the least of which is that the final battle between the
blondes and brunettes never really happens in any significant way.
 |
| http://www.mediafire.com/watch/z6i4735ou5h9cht/Prehistoric_Women_2.wmv |
The critics:
"An eccentric and unloved Hammer film that uses a
blondes vs. brunettes scenario.'' --The Hammer Vault.
"Idiotic Hammer Film in which the Great White Hunter
stumbles into a lost Amazon civilization where blondes have been enslaved by
brunettes. Honest! Nevertheless it has developed a cult
following due to Beswick’s commanding, sensual performance as the tribe’s leader.”
--Leonard Maltin's 2010 Movie Guide
An earlier blog post talked about the good-girl-blonde
and the bad-girl-brunette syndrome that the media is fascinated with, and in
this spirit I offer up the following analysis from the blog site
“I find it funny how a majority of these films feature a
blonde in the good girl role. Case in point: the stunning Ms. Ronay’s portrayal
of sympathetic Sari to raven-haired Martine Beswick’s evil Queen Kari in this
Hammer eye-filler. Edina sure looks like she could play a bad girl to me.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------
Below is the updated Leader Board. Since our last update, two very evil brunettes had their asses handed to them, I'm speaking of Ghebel Gor in Thor and the Amazon Women, and the psycho in the Moon in Scorpio.
The battle between good-girl brunette Katy Jurado and bad blonde Arleen Wheelan was judged a draw although I'm sure Katy would have kicked her ass if the fight was not interrupted.
-------------------------------------------------------------------
Anyway, I don’t know about you, but I don’t control my life. Turns out **we** are going on vacation next week. If I “paid more attention to what was said to me” I would have known this.
The battle between good-girl brunette Katy Jurado and bad blonde Arleen Wheelan was judged a draw although I'm sure Katy would have kicked her ass if the fight was not interrupted.
Anyway, I don’t know about you, but I don’t control my life. Turns out **we** are going on vacation next week. If I “paid more attention to what was said to me” I would have known this.
**Sigh**
Well, no point in complaining about Memorial Day weekend
on the Outer Banks especially when it’s FREE, courtesy of my brother’s rental
beach house. Oh sure, I’ll lay out cash
for booze and food and stuff, but that’s all very cool.
So what that means is no post next week, sorry!!
[[Yes, I’m worried that the blonde and brunette will go
toe-to-toe with each other and I’ll miss it.
But I’m sure the bartenders will tell me if it happens.]]
Our
schedule for the remainder of the year:
May
25 – Vacation
Jun
1 – Ron & Jeff
8 --
The Real Deal, Thumb Fight!
15 -- Kansas City Here I Cum, part 1
22 -- Kansas City Here I Cum, part 2
29 -- Kansas City Here I Cum, part 3
July
6 -- Foreign movies, various spy flicks
13 -- The Real Deal, Miss Edy
20 -- The Awesome Martine Beswick
27 -- SUMMER BREAK
Aug
3 -- SUMMER BREAK
10 -- SUMMER BREAK
17 -- Secretaries
24 -- Classic B&W
31 -- Don't Get into a Knife Fight with a blonde
Sep
7 -- Total Recall
14 -- The Real Deal again
21 -- Various peplum
28 -- Dr. Woodruff
Oct -- it's been a year now
20 -- Don't Get Into a Swordfight with a blonde
Nov
23 -- Football rematch
Dec
27 -- The survey
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