Blondes vs. Brunettes #10 - You Probably Want to Turn Down the Volume

While blondes and brunettes can compete in different ways, the bell ringer is a physical contest. Maybe a test of strength, maybe a football game, better yet a fight of some sort. A good, clean wrestling match works for me, maybe with some hair pulling allowed.  Clothing is OK, but since we’re on the topic of hair color, a completely nude match pitting blonde hair against dark hair is a special treat and one might say that it doesn’t get any better than that: two ladies on their feet, grappling with each other, hands in each other’s hair and then you glance down below and there’s a blonde bush and dark haired bush struggling against each other. Raw power … physical strength: which girl has more of it, the pretty blonde with the clear blue eyes or the brunette with her olive skin and dark brown eyes?


You don't suppose this was staged
for the photographer, do you?

An entire industry has developed to satisfy the males’ (and some females) desire to watch women battle each other.  And it’s no accident that many of the contests feature blondes fighting brunettes.  The noted feminist and social critic Susan J. Douglas discussed this phenomenon in her book Where the Girls Are: Growing Up Female with the Mass Media where she cites the famous Dynasty battles between Alexis and Krystle. 

Others, writing in scholarly journals, have sounded a similar theme.  In a Chrestomathy article titled “Catfight: A Feminist Analysis”, researcher Rachel Reinke used as an example, “…a highly sexual catfight [that] took center stage during the 2003 NFL Playoffs when a Miller Lite advertisement featuring a catfight aired. The ad opens with two women—notably, as Douglas predicts, a blond and a brunette—arguing over the best reason to drink Miller Lite beer. This already asinine argument then escalates into a full-fledged catfight as the women get up from the table and slap and claw at each other while grunting and moaning suggestively.”

Again, this is scholarly stuff, experts speaking about the subject, and not just some pervert blogging away in his basement.

So there.

Big industry, large audience, a tendency to feature blondes and brunettes battling each other, seems like we're in heaven, no? Yes, actually, we are in heaven but even heaven has its glitches, namely that so much of what we see on video is of questionable legitimacy. We want to see an authentic battle, but we all to often end up with some degree of nonsense. 

Here’s the hierarchy:

Movie & TV Catfight. These are, by definition, always scripted and staged. But often there's nothing more satisfying than a great movie catfight like Total Recall.

Streetfight.  These are, by definition, always real.  Quite popular, they’re found all over the intent and typically feature drunk chicks in a nightclub, or schoolgirls in the playground.  Some are really good, but 9 out of 10 times, fucked up camerawork and/or poor lighting conditions ruin the video.

The strong brunette put the slim blonde
in headlock to win round 1

Real.  This category features two gals catfighting, wrestling or boxing where they are actually trying to defeat their opponent.  Seems like a simple enough concept, but these videos are quite rare because almost all catfights, wrestling, or boxing matches are

Fake.  More than 90% of the stuff out there is fake, phony, staged, and/or scripted.  The interesting thing is some of these events have real parts to them, often the opening few minutes.  But the problem with these products is that they are created by producers who need to fill time.  I imagine the conversation with the girls goes something like this “I’m paying you to wrestle for 15 minutes so even if one of you pins the other you need to keep wrestling each other.”  From there you can see the problem: one girl pins the other three minutes into the match and the loser, knowing that they need to wrestle for another 12 minutes says “OK, you pinned me now it’s my turn to pin you” and we end up with another 12 minutes of two girls playing grab ass with each other instead of fighting for Real.
 

But then she allowed herself to get into a
head scissors a bit too easily.
mmmmm, interesting

 Which brings us to our video.  Is it real, fake, or a combination of both? Judging by Ron Dvorkin's introduction, it appears to be a product of "California Supreme" and probably dates back to the early 70s. Like many of Dvorkin's efforts, it is filmed outdoors on a mat and features a lot of rolling around and pins, typical of the "you pinned me and now it's my turn to pin you" strategy employed by the industry. I don't mean that as a hit on Dvorkin who produced better products than many of his competitors did, but it's simply a matter of business when you have to fill a few minutes of time on a video. This particular match features a tough, strong looking brunette wrestling a slim blonde, and the first round not surprisingly ends with the blonde being pinned. The next round shows the black haired gal having her way with the blonde once again but then the blonde suddenly turns the table, gets the brunette in a head scissors and forces her to submit. Subsequent rounds are tit for tat and just a little too balanced for my tastes given that the brunette looks like she could easily out muscle the blonde.  So is it real or fake?  Was Dvorkin giving them instructions to keep it competitive?  We don't know because the footage is from a silent 8mm tape.  All we get to hear is the extremely annoying classical music playing during the match.

Which is why you may want to hit the mute button while you watch. 

Watch the video