Sunday, June 15, 2014

Blondes vs. Brunettes #35 - Mona Freeman, RIP

Bit of a change-up … I usually post on Sunday evenings as that’s my only safe “me time” when I’m not mowing, yanking, sweeping, raking, watering or doin’ the family thing.  Speaking of which, tomorrow is Father’s Day, at least here in the U.S. of A, so I thought I’d do a quick post tonight since tomorrow portends to be busy for all of us.
Another change-up: I was going to blog about my time in Kansas City, but was pre-empted by sad news.
The sad news is that Mona Freeman died this past week. 
Borrowing from Wikipedia, “Freeman was a model while in high school, and after becoming the first "Miss Subways" of the New York City transit system, eventually signed a movie contract with Howard Hughes. Her contract was later sold to Paramount Pictures. Her first film appearance was in the 1944 film Till We Meet Again. She became a popular teenage movie star. After a series of roles as a pretty, naive teenager she complained of being typecast. As an adult, her career slowed and she appeared in mostly B-movies, though one exception was her role in the film noir Angel Face (1952). Also in 1952, she was called a "vest pocket Venus" by sculptor Yucca Salamunich because her proportions were the same as those of the Venus de Milo but three-quarter size. Freeman's appearances in films ended in the 1950s but she continued to work in television. Among her appearances were seven guest roles on The United States Steel Hour from 1960–1962 and three on Perry Mason, all of them roles as Mason's client: Jane Wardman in the 1962 episode, "The Case of the Lurid Letter", Rosanne Ambrose in the 1964 episode, "The Case of the Illicit Illusion", and Ellen Payne in the 1965 episode, "The Case of the 12th Wildcat", with Perry himself portrayed as the title character by Ellen.”
More importantly, she starred the 1957 western Dragoon Wells Massacre.
I tried to get my hands on a copy of the film, but apparently it’s out of print, so to speak, so I can’t really dive into the details of the blonde vs. brunette struggle between the two ladies.
Here’s how one blog site describes the movie:
"If you've seen "Dragoon Wells Massacre" on the TV schedule and decided to give it a miss because it sounds familiar it is understandable. To be honest having seen it regularly show up I kept on giving it a miss because the story of a cavalry man and a group of people trying to head through Indian Territory sounds a bit unoriginal. But you should watch it because while the set up to "Dragoon Wells Massacre" is familiar what unfolds isn't and this movie ends up an entertaining elaboration on the good guys stuck in Indian Territory storyline.
A prison wagon, a stage coach and an Indian trader all find themselves in the same place at the same time, that place is Indian Territory where the Indians are on the war path. With Capt. Matt Riordan a survivor of an Indian attack, taking the lead they group together to try and get to safety but their journey is full of danger as the Indians track them, picking them off one by one.
Now typically as their numbers drop as one by one another one dies we get down to a small group, completely out numbered and with little chance of surviving, leading to a moment of heroics befitting this sort of western. But the real interest to this variation of the good guys in Indian Territory is the dynamics of the group because we have various relationships. Capt' Matt's former girlfriend happens to be travelling on the stage, yes what a coincidence but also on the stage is the sexy Mara Fay who takes a fancy to Capt. Matt which leads to jealousy between the women. Then there are the two prisoners Link and Tiogo who Ann doesn't trust but they continually prove themselves decent, often misjudged as they protect the group from Indian attacks. And there are more relationships and interactions which go on, allowing the characters to grow and change as the journey progresses.

http://www.mediafire.com/watch/omgcminh6yfgdf1/Dragoon_Wells_Massacre.wmv
Part of the reason why the change in characters and their interactions end up interesting is in the good casting. Who better than the less than handsome Jack Elam to play a misjudged criminal, whose looks make the women on edge. And Barry Sullivan oozes confidence as fellow criminal Link, playing a character who appears to have escaped death on a few occasions and is happy to ride his luck, both when it comes to Indians but also women. And talking of the women Mona Freeman as the jealous Ann and Katy Jurado as the fiery Mara are more than token beauties, they even have quite an impressive catfight. Even those in minor roles, those who will end up being picked off are just as good even in their limited screen time.
What this all boils down to is that "Dragoon Wells Massacre" may look like a run of the mill 50s western but it is more interesting than the norm. Nice embellishments to the story and characters that are more than one dimension make it entertaining from start to finish even when the start is a little too corny."
Sounds pretty good, huh?
Happy Father’s Day!

Sunday, June 8, 2014

Blondes vs. Brunettes #34 - The Real Deal, Catfights #3

Thanks for checking out this week’s blog.



A couple of weeks back, I mentioned that I had seen some ***tension*** between a cute blonde and an equally cute brunette not far from my house; Tyson’s Corner Mall in suburban Washington DC, to be exact. 

There’s a restaurant/micro brewery in there called “Gordon Biersch” or something like that, right next to the book store (Barnes and Noble?).  So while the frau was shopping for books,  I wandered over to the Gordon Biersch bar and had myself a nice, cool, export lager.  Very tasty! 

Adjacent to the bar is the restaurant’s hostess stand, populated a squad of young sillies, blonde (1) and brunette (several).  I suspect there all in the 16-18 range.  The blonde has been there for a while (yes, I do frequent GB every now and then so I’ve noticed her) and is a bit bossy.   As the night wore on it was clear that one of the brunettes was chafing at the blonde’s orders.

A real cutie, the girl with dark hair.  Looked Hispanic, which is fairly common around here what with all the Bolivians, El Salvadorans, Hondurans and other “-rans” that have settled in this area over the past several decades (boy, has this place changed!!)

Did I mention the brunette had great legs? 

Yup, she did.  Attired in short shorts (kinda like the hot pants of the 1970s and 80s), with slightly dark, but very sheer nylons, and “ballet” style shoes. 

 Great legs; absolutely fab, but then again don’t all legs look good in dark nylons??  LOL!!!

Anyway, after the blonde had made some snarky remark and walked away, the brunette clenched her fist and started her fist and started yapping at one of the other brunettes.  I didn’t hear what she said, probably something about smacking the blonde.

So I’ve been back there now several times and I’ve never seen them again working the same shift.

Coincidence?  Maybe.
 
 

Speaking of malls, there’s this other mall not far from the adobe called “Ballston Commons Mall”, located in Arlington, a couple of miles from Arlington National Cemetery. 

(NOTE:  Just to show you how much this place has changed, back in the 70s the Ballston area was the home of both the Virginia branch of the Ku Klux Klan as well as the National headquarters of the American Nazi Party.  People find that hard to believe, given how wealthy and cosmopolitan the area is today, but 40 years ago Arlington was the DEEP SOUTH.)

Anyway, a few years back, the mall featured a new water massage machine … looked like an x-ray or MRI machine … you slide in a waterproof bag and get pounded by jets of water for 10 minutes.  For this thrill, you paid $10-20.  The massage machine had a nice young latina named Anna working the machine and selling the massages to mall customers. 
 
http://www.mediafire.com/watch/sx3qzyxosdfed4f/Blonde_vs._Brunette_Catfight_#16.avi
 
Anna’s was a real sweetie … American but her folks were from El Salvador or Peru or someplace down there so she has that look:  dark hair, light brown skin, big chocolate brown eyes.   Nice body, about 5’5” and 120 although she’s already getting a bit of a fat roll at the midriff.  I imagine by now she’s in her 30s, has had a few kids and looks like a big overweight mamasita - but she was a doll then, maybe 19-20. 

One day I was chatting her up while I was at the mall on an errand to pick up some dry cleaning (“Honey” I told the wife, “It’s too hot for you to go out, I’ll get the dry cleaning!”).  Sadly, Anna told me she was leaving the mall that week for another job that had been recently offered to her. 

I told her we would all miss her and after a few minutes of small talk I excused myself and walked up to the 2d floor balcony overlooking her stand.  She couldn’t see me since I was above and behind her, but I had a perfect view of her backside so just decided to linger for while.  It was another 95 degree day and Anna had on short-shorts with a pair those high heeled slide sandals the girls have been wearing this summer.   Might as well admire her in a pair of shorts since she was leaving soon.  She didn’t have an athletic pair of legs, but nice, shapely brown legs.   Worth watching for a few minutes.
http://www.mediafire.com/watch/xz7911t81zf9iig/Blonde_vs._Brunette_Catfight_#17.mp4
 
Eventually, customers appeared - young kid and his blond girlfriend.  After some discussion, which I couldn’t hear, money is exchanged and blondie - who was also wearing shorts and sandals - slips out of her shoes and climbs into the machine.  Anna gets machine cranking and away we go. 

As the blond is getting massaged, her and her boy friend are talking and laughing and Anna is right there with them following along and tending to the machine.  Then, blondie reaches out as if to shake her boyfriends hand -- which I figure is pretty strange - but instead of shaking they grip hands and then start crossing their thumbs back and forth - you remember from high school - one, two, three - Thumbfight!!  I just laughed; I thought it was so weird and hadn’t seen it in years.  They went back and forth, everyone was laughing including Anna.

After the massage was over, Blondie gets out and her and Anna are talking and laughing and the boy friend has this huge smile on his face.  Before you know it, Anna and the blond have gripped right hands and the thumbs are crossing back and forth.  My heart immediately pounds as I watch the thumbs battle each other … quickly, the blonde pins Anna.  Although it only lasted a few seconds, immediately, some other guy with his kids in tow licking ice cream cones stop to watch.  I quickly bolt for the stairs and bound down to hustle over and watch this spectacle close up - I can feel my face completely flushed as I stride over to them. 

As I’m hurriedly walking up to them, the phone rings and Anna has a short conversation with somebody and then hangs up.  Laughing, she slips her bare feet out of her slides, turns around and again reaches her hand out to blondie.  1-2-3, thumbfight!!   Blonde wins again.  Now I’m next to them … there’s about 10 folks watching from various distances and Anna says:  “OK, let’s try again, first one didn’t count - best out of three!”   She’s still smiling but looks a little hurt and more serious as she struggles to pin the blonde.  Now I’m completely beside myself, watching this.  Here’s brown haired, brown eyed and brown skinned Anna, literally toe-to-toe with a pretty blue-eyed blonde in a thumbfight.  Again the blonde pinned Anna’s thumb and this time she held it … “One more and I get five minutes, right?”  Anna, struggling to free her thumb said “OK!” 
 
http://www.mediafire.com/watch/nz11st35i3q1z85/Blonde_vs._Brunette_Catfight_#18.mp4
 
Ah - they were wrestling over another massage, presumably free if the blonde won. 

The blonde released her grip.

“C’mon Anna” I said, “take her!!”  I was already crushed that my brown babe was being beaten by a blonde and pretty decisively at that. 

Others chimed in and encouraged Anna to beat the other girl, others rooted for the blonde … Besides me, I don’t know who was more amazed by this five minute exhibition:  the several parents who has stopped to watch or their six year old kids. 

They squared off again, locked hands and went at it, 1-2-3.  Anna was careful and kept her thumb straight up and then began to repeatedly lunge for the blonde’s thumb … finally on the third “thumb lunge” she was caught by the blonde and struggled to get free.  She pulled back and pushed forward and tried to twist away but the blonde had her thumb tight.  But Anna wouldn’t give up as there was a pretty good crowd was cheering her on …. “Give?” the blonde asked …”No”  Anna replied but it was clear by  watching the pushing and shoving that her body wasn’t nearly as strong as the blondes and she wasn’t going to break loose.  She was still smiling when the blonde said “C’mon give or I’ll break your thumb” and then she must have pressed even harder because very quickly  Anna stopped smiling and then grimaced as the blonde said “You better say ‘give’!”   

Suddenly, Anna’s right leg began to tremble and then as she pushed forward, she stumbled and fell to a knee.  She looked up at her opponent and for a second I thought those big chocolate brown eyes of hers were about to melt away into tears when she yelled “OK! OK! I give!” 
 
http://www.mediafire.com/watch/99w33ycs2bcr91q/Blonde_vs._Brunette_Catfight_#19.mp4
Slowly she straightened out her legs and shook her hand as she went back to her table and filled out some coupon and then handed it to blondie.  Well, at least she was laughing again.  As some of the kids asked Anna for a thumb fight, I watched blondie slip her feet into her sandals and then walk away.  About the same height and weight as Anna but as she strolled away I couldn’t help but notice she had pretty athletic legs.
Well, it wasn’t a leg fight, but glancing at Anna’s slender brown legs as she slid her feet back into her sandals and then back at the blonde’s firm legs as she walked away, provided quite a contrast.  It was clear Anna’s soft brown body was no match for the stronger, more powerful blond.

As I turned my attention back to the loser she was laughing while she looked down at a couple of the kids and told them “Oh, we weren’t fighting - I could beat her up in a fight!” 

“Could you really?” they asked.  “Oh yeah” Anna said striking a boxing pose and jabbing at the air, “I’d give her a fat lip!”

I told her too bad she was leaving, I’d like to watch if they went at it “I’m sure you could take her” I said with a smile.  But maybe not very convincingly.

Some of the customers starting asking questions about the machine, so I slipped away, completely stunned by what I had seen. 

No it wasn’t a real fight, but it was a nice little battle between two pretty young girls with great color contrast:  brown latina vs. white blonde.  Talk about a dick stiffener.

(NOTE #2:  I originally posted this story on a web site some years back, so if you look around you might be  able to find it)

OK, that pretty much wraps up my writing, ‘cause I know you don’t want to read anymore. 

I’ll let the five catfights speak for themselves.

See you next week!!


http://www.mediafire.com/watch/q84p3m766s5i1bq/Blonde_vs._Brunette_Catfight_#20.mp4

Sunday, May 18, 2014

Blondes vs. Brunettes #31 - The Warring Tribes, #1


 
Thanks for checking out this week’s blog.

Last week I talked about the two young chicks at Gordon Biersch restaurant in Tyson’s Corner Mall.  No blonde this past Friday night, but the little brunette was there, complete with micro mini skirt and dark nylons. 
Nice.
I’m going to save any further discussion of this until my next “Real Deal” blog entry; that is unless I see them yanking each other’s hair out between now and then. 
This week’s entry is about warring tribes, i.e., groups of blondes and brunettes pitted against each other.
The greatest manifestation of this has been discussed in previous blog entries.  Of course, I’m talking about blonde vs. brunette powder puff football.  So here goes with a quick update, just to save you all the time of having to Google this stuff;
Houston, Texas.  On April 26th, in their ninth annual match-up, the brunettes defeated the blondes (although I couldn’t find a score on their Facebook page). 
 
Jackson, Mississippi.  The blondes absolutely hammered the brunettes, 50-12, wow, what a beat down the blondies laid on the dark haired girls. 
Columbia, South Carolina.  This is the first year for this event in Gamecock country.
Just as an aside, many years ago when I was a single lad, I went to a military event at Fort Jackson which is adjacent to Columbia.  Other than a couple of trips to Myrtle Beach, this was my first time in the heart of the Palmetto State.
After the festivities, I went back downtown where the bars and clubs were (natch) and did a double take when I saw a couple of girls walking thru a bar wearing “Love those cocks!” t-shirts.
Huh?
And then the middle age housewife strolled by with the “Go Cocks!” shirt.
Wha?
After a couple of martinis, I asked and that’s when I found out.
Oh.
In any event, hope they have a great game, currently scheduled for June 14th.
Madison, Wisconsin.  About 300 spectators attended and $30,000 was raised when the brunettes defeated the blondes 19-12 on May 10th.  Not a big showing, but nicely done.
Denver, Colorado.  June 14th is once again the date of another blonde vs. brunette battle, this one in the Mile High State.  Let’s hope somebody publishes the results!! 
Tallahassee, Florida.  June 21st is the date.  Location: Florida State University’s Bill Harkin Field.


-------------------------------------------------
OK, after 6+ months we’ve finally got to the point in the blog’s life span that the ultimate movie will be reviewed. 

Yes, that one.
The greatest blonde vs. brunette film ever made by a major studio and one of the very worst movies of all time.
Naturally, we’re talking about the Hammer Films movie, Prehistoric Women, aka Slave Girls.



The full write up can be found on Wikipedia (and no, I didn’t write this article. If I did, I would have played up the blonde vs. brunette stuff a tad more).

Short and to the point: an explorer stumbles thru a weird time portal/alternate universe kind of deal and finds himself in a village where brunettes have enslaved blondes.
Whoa!  Calm down.
That’s right, a bunch of bikini clad women with jet black hair have enslaved a bunch of blue eyed-blondes. 
A dick stiffening plot, no doubt about it.
This was one of Hammer Films “Cave Girl” films that also included
  • One Million Years B.C. (1966)
  • When Dinosaurs Ruled the Earth (1970)
  • Creatures the World Forgot (1971)
Each of which had a vague blonde vs. brunette aspect to it, but more on that in a later blog entry.
http://www.mediafire.com/watch/am2m11aouty27rk/Prehistoric_Women_1.wmv
But the definitive blonde vs. brunette film was no doubt Prehistoric Women, where that perennial brunette bitch Martine Beswick is the evil queen who exploits blondes and periodically offers them up as sacrifices to the white rhinoceros (Yes, that’s right, a white rhinoceros. Please, don’t make me explain this shit).  Along the way, she kills one of the blondes in a very clever way, as you will see in the video. 

In a perfect example of a blonde vs. brunette love triangle, she and one of the blonde slave girls, played by Edina Ronay, compete for the affection of the explorer who has stumbled into the village. Of course, you know how this is going to end, after all who is a slave girl to compete with a queen?  So at the end of the movie, Ronay is offered up by Beswick as a sacrifice to the white rhino that is really fronting for a bunch of native jungle guys who simply want to fuck the blondes. Fortunately, our handsome explorer saves the day by leading a revolt of the enslaved men and blonde women against Beswick and her black haired guards. 

As the guys and blonde women beat the shit out of the brunettes in the background, Ronay and Beswick engage in a lame little scrap.  Mr. Explorer jumps in just as Beswick is about to kill Ronay with a knife, having failed to kill her in hand-to-hand combat, like a real woman would have done.  So the hero knocks out Beswick, permanently I think, and along with the freed slaves, kicks the shit out of the native guys and sends them all packing back to the jungle.  And then some lightning bolt nonsense sends him back to his own world where he hooks up with Ronay who is now appearing in the movie's final scene as a scientist's daughter
Oh, the potential of it all.  The climactic scene where the blondes revolt is a blink-and-you’ll-miss-it moment in the movie.  What we would have really wanted was a long drawn out, hand to hand slugfest between the blondes and brunettes, but it was not meant to be.
Foiled again.
A couple of interesting parts of the movie:
n  The heavy British accents are hilarious.  Throughout the movie, I half expect Henry Higgins to jump out, mid scene, accuse them all of being gutter snipes, and start giving lessons in proper English phonics.

n  At one point in the movie, Joe Explorer asks the enslaved men how in the world this all came to be and this one guy says something like: “The dark ones came to us looking for help. They weren’t very intelligent and were a tad lazy, but we helped them anyway. Eventually they seized power when we let our guard down and now they rule us.”  This is in 1967, a time of various race riots here in the USA, so I’m wondering what the hell Hammer Films was trying to say.  After all, this wasn’t their only foray into the blonde vs. brunette thing as we will see in later blog entries.

So, without question, it’s one of the worst films made in every kind of way, not the least of which is that the final battle between the blondes and brunettes never really happens in any significant way. 
http://www.mediafire.com/watch/z6i4735ou5h9cht/Prehistoric_Women_2.wmv
The critics:
"An eccentric and unloved Hammer film that uses a blondes vs. brunettes scenario.'' --The Hammer Vault.
"Idiotic Hammer Film in which the Great White Hunter stumbles into a lost Amazon civilization where blondes have been enslaved by brunettes.  Honest!  Nevertheless it has developed a cult following due to Beswick’s commanding, sensual performance as the tribe’s leader.” --Leonard Maltin's 2010 Movie Guide
An earlier blog post talked about the good-girl-blonde and the bad-girl-brunette syndrome that the media is fascinated with, and in this spirit I offer up the following analysis from the blog site

“I find it funny how a majority of these films feature a blonde in the good girl role. Case in point: the stunning Ms. Ronay’s portrayal of sympathetic Sari to raven-haired Martine Beswick’s evil Queen Kari in this Hammer eye-filler. Edina sure looks like she could play a bad girl to me.”
----------------------------------------------------------------------
 
Below is the updated Leader Board. Since our last update, two very evil brunettes had their asses handed to them, I'm speaking of Ghebel Gor in Thor and the Amazon Women, and the psycho in the Moon in Scorpio. 

The battle between good-girl brunette Katy Jurado and bad blonde Arleen Wheelan was judged a draw although I'm sure Katy would have kicked her ass if the fight was not interrupted.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

Anyway, I don’t know about you, but I don’t control my life.  Turns out **we** are going on vacation next week. If I “paid more attention to what was said to me” I would have known this.
**Sigh**
Well, no point in complaining about Memorial Day weekend on the Outer Banks especially when it’s FREE, courtesy of my brother’s rental beach house.  Oh sure, I’ll lay out cash for booze and food and stuff, but that’s all very cool.
So what that means is no post next week, sorry!!
[[Yes, I’m worried that the blonde and brunette will go toe-to-toe with each other and I’ll miss it.  But I’m sure the bartenders will tell me if it happens.]]
Our schedule for the remainder of the year:


May
25 – Vacation

Jun
1 – Ron & Jeff

8 -- The Real Deal, Thumb Fight!
15 -- Kansas City Here I Cum, part 1
22 -- Kansas City Here I Cum, part 2
29 -- Kansas City Here I Cum, part 3
 
July
6 -- Foreign movies, various spy flicks
13 -- The Real Deal, Miss Edy
20 -- The Awesome Martine Beswick
27 -- SUMMER BREAK
 
Aug
3 -- SUMMER BREAK
10 -- SUMMER BREAK
17 -- Secretaries
24 -- Classic B&W
31 -- Don't Get into a Knife Fight with a blonde
 
Sep
7 -- Total Recall
14 -- The Real Deal again
21 -- Various peplum
28 -- Dr. Woodruff
 
Oct -- it's been a year now
20 -- Don't Get Into a Swordfight with a blonde

Nov
23 -- Football rematch
 
Dec
27 -- The survey